(Recursive Process) – Demonstrate the ability to approach writing as a recursive process that requires substantial revision of drafts for content, organization, and clarity (global revision), as well as editing and proofreading (local revision).

Framing Statement – The rough draft does not have to be perfect and this is why revision is so important to me. Global revision allows me to get all my ideas down for the rough draft without pining over it being perfect.

Before being in English 110 revision was something I didn’t think much of. I’d skim the paper for any red underlined words and if I didn’t see any of those I considered myself to be pretty set. For longer or more important pieces I may read it to figure out if a sentence didn’t make sense but for the most part I only focused on the individual sentences. English 110 taught me this was called local revision and that it’s not the only -or even most helpful- type of revision. I tended to fuss over my rough draft as much as possible to make it as perfect as possible. I didn’t think about revising as I thought if I put enough effort into it the first time I wouldn’t have to worry about going back and redoing it. However this pressure I put on myself to make my rough draft perfect each time made it hard to actually write and ended up making my work worse for wear.

After English 110 I realized there was such a thing as global revision which is reworking the idea of a paragraph rather than a sentence. It was a novel idea for me to try and rework the actual thought process of the work rather than just the sentence structure. I had never worked like that so honestly I’ve been struggling with being comfortable writing a rough draft in which I don’t endlessly toil over it being so perfect. I’m definitely working on being okay with a shitty first draft but it’s a good work. I’m happy I’m being challenged and challenging myself to do better and try this new type of revision as I believe it’s making me a better writer. I’ve been much more focused on simply getting my ideas down for my rough draft which I think allows my voice as the writer to speak a lot better than I’ve been able to in the past.

Even though my main growth I’d say has been through global revision local revision is still extremely important; especially when considering thesis statements. To show how my local revision has grown I’ve taken my original essay two thesis statement and shown how I’d reword it now that my revision skills have improved.

I, however, believe Bloom’s take is much too harsh but DFW’s ideas about being more aware to those around us and making the mundane things more enjoyable are completely worth adopting in my everyday life.

essay 2 original thesis

Which I then changed into this:

I believe Bloom’s take is too harsh whereas DFW’s ideas on being aware of others around us and making everyday things enjoyable would be great things to adopt in my everyday life. 

Essay 2 revised thesis

There was nothing inherently wrong with the first thesis but it was wordy and could’ve been stated in a less confusing manner. That’s what I’ve done here to show how local revision can take something that looks to be fine and make it into something better or more understandable.

When it comes global revision and changing paragraph ideas rather than just sentences I think this paragraph from essay three is probably my best example. I had a tough time figuring out how to make this into a barclay paragraph and get my own ideas into the essay in a coherent manner. This is the final paragraph I decided on but the bold is added text that wasn’t in the first version and the italicized text is text or ideas that were moved throughout the paragraph to make it make more sense. The gray text is things that were in the original paragraph and hadn’t been moved.

Danusha Laméris’ poem “Small Kindnesses” is in some ways in direct conflict and in other ways in direct agreement with Michael Paterniti’s “Eating Jack Hooker’s Cow”. Laméris writes about how people are born to be kind; that deep down we all act out of kindness every day even if we don’t realize it. Her whole poem could be summed up as, “Mostly, we don’t want to harm each other” (Laméris). She talks about how people deep down really don’t want to hate each other and their small actions (smiling at their barista, pulling their legs in when someone walks by, blessing someone after they sneeze) all shows just how loving people really are. Depending on how you look at each text will depend on whether or not you see them as working for or against each other. Though much of Paterniti’s writing consists of Bout and Jack assuming they’re hated, “…he will tell you what he hates; he will honor his hate and unleash it and understand that his hate will come back on him, understand that he, too, is hated” (2). Even still I believe these texts lift each other up. The ending of Paterniti’s essay where Bout and Jack both look out into the storm and know they’re taking in anyone who comes their way is, to me, one of those moments Laméris is talking about. All the walls that Jack and Bout put up come down for a moment and show that when someone may be in need they’ll lend a helping hand. Underneath all the animosity and fear they both hold they have love for others around them. At the end of the day so long as we have that for each other I think we can figure out how to bridge any divide in America.

Essay 3 Final Barclay paragraph – Bold=added text – Italics=Text that was moved

I toiled with this essay paragraph for quite a while before deciding on these few changes as I had a lot of things I needed to fit into this paragraph but wanted to keep it light and digestible. However because of my revision tactics I wrote the basis of what I wanted to include down and continued onward. Had I not done that I may have been stuck on this paragraph for days and unable to finish the rest of my essay.

I’ll take these revision types through my life and continue to use them long after English 110 I know that for sure. Specifically the focus I’ve spent on global revision.

Word Count: 699